Press 1 if you think we are veterinarians
and want free medical advice
Press 2 if you know we are a rescue organization but want
to save money and have us give you free, untrained medical advice
anyway
Press 3 if you make $200,000 a year but still want us to
pay to spay the "stray" in your yard
Press 4 if you have a 10 year old dog and your 15 year old
son has suddenly become allergic and you need to find the dog a
new home right away
Press 5 if you have 3 dogs, had a baby and want to get rid
of your dogs because you are the only person in the world to have
a baby and dogs at the same time
Press 6 if your dog is sick and needs a vet but you need
the money for your vacation
Press 7 if you just got a brand new puppy and your old dog
is having problems adjusting so you want to get rid of the old one
right away
Press 8 if your little puppy has grown up and is no longer
small and cute and you want to trade him for a new model
Press 9 if you are elderly and want to adopt a cute puppy
who is not active and is going to outlive you
Press 10 if your relative has died and you don't want to
care for their elderly pet because it doesn't fit your lifestyle
Press 11 if you are moving today and need to place your
150lb eight year old dog
Press 12 if you want an unpaid volunteer to come to your
home today and pick up the dog you no longer want
Press 13 if you have been feeding and caring for a "stray"
for the last 3 years, are moving and suddenly determine it's not
your dog
Press 14 if you are calling at 6am to make sure you wake
us up before we go to work so you can drop a dog off on your way
to work
Press 15 if you are going to get angry because we are not
going to take the dog you have had for 15 years because it is not
our responsibility
Press 16 if you are going to threaten to take your ten year
old dog to be euthanized because we won't take it
Press 17 if you are going to get angry because the volunteers
had the audacity to go on vacation and leave the phone work to a
trusted volunteer who is not authorized to take your personal pet
Press 18 if you want one of the perfectly trained housebroken,
kid friendly purebred tiny dogs that we have in abundance
Press 19 if you want us to take your dog that has a slight
aggression problem, ie has only bitten a few people and killed your
neighbor's cats.
Press 20 if you want us to use space that would go to a
stray to board your personal dog while you are on vacation, free
of charge, of course.
Press 21 if you are lying to make one of our younger volunteers
feel bad and take your personal pet off your hands
Press 22 if your two year old male dog is marking all over
your house but you just haven't gotten around to having him neutered
Press 23 if you previously had an outdoor dog and are calling
because she is pregnant
Press 24 if you have done "everything" to housebreak
your dog and have had no success but you don't want to crate the
dog because it is cruel
Press 25 if you left your work only phone number and are
angry because our volunteers who also work were unable to call you
back
Press 26 if you need a puppy immediately and cannot wait
because today is your daughter's birthday and you forget when she
was born
Press 27 if your new love doesn't like your dog and you
are too stupid to get rid of the new friend (who will dump you in
the next month anyway) instead of the dog
Press 28 if you went thru all these "presses"
and didn't hear enough. This press will connect you to the sounds
of tears being shed by one of our volunteers who is holding a discarded
old dog, dying of grief because he misses his family.
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